"As an immigrant family, we were tempted to move to China, given the terrible employment situation in Europe," said the father, Humpty, "When we heard of the number of migrant workers that have fallen to their deaths in Beijing, we thought that it might be a bad idea."
Beijing's reputation as a booming employment hub for overseas families to settle in has grown beyond even the Chinese government's expectations.
Families like the Humptys have instead chosen to settle in Eastern Europe, where walls are lower, and the likelihood of being gang raped by egg-crazed security guards is almost non existent. "In China, people look at our yolks and get what we in the egg community call "yellow fever". The albumin can drive men to do insane things. We're much safer in the Ukraine where people prefer cabbage."
In 1842, The King's Men were implicated in a tragic accident concerning Humpty's great-grandfather, Humpty Senior, who fell off a wall and was subsequently unable to be put back together and buried in a shallow grave on the outskirts of town before the crown coroner could arrive at the scene.
"They claimed that all the King's Men couldn't put my gramps back together again, but we know it was a lie. The investigation was botched, the townspeople had always looked down on us eggs."
No sign of sexual assault had been reported, despite the claims that before his fall, Great-Gandpa Humpty he had posted on Weibo that he had been "laid".
All the King's Men were not available for comment.
No comments:
Post a Comment